Some people I am truly fond of always seem to look at life from the perspective of their past.
I do not know why exactly. Perhaps they had to deal with traumas that were so huge and overwhelming they just cannot get past them. Or, perhaps they identify themselves by those past experiences. I guess you can get so caught up in past experiences you forget to use the lessons that came along with them.
We hear so often about being in the Now. Living In The Moment. Why is that so hard to do? Isn't it simply a matter of changing your mind?
When thoughts of past unpleasantness pop up in our minds, we can simply replace them with more positive thoughts. It is up to us. We are in charge.
Memories of the past do not have to haunt us, if we choose not to let them. We do not even need to dwell on the problems that may be facing us right this minute. We can change our minds. We can think of solutions instead. If solutions aren't to hand, well, then we just accept that we aren't in control, and stand back and let Universe handle it.
Whatever experiences we have had, pleasant or painful, have brought us to who we are RIGHT NOW, and right now is all that really matters. We can carry our baggage along with us if we choose to, but would not it all be much easier to leave it behind and go into each day unburdened by what cannot be changed or undone?
We can lighten our load simply by unloading the past. Whatever happened, happened. We have absolutely nothing to gain by dwelling on it. Change your mind. Substitute those old thought patterns with new thoughts, positive thoughts.
If this sounds simple, it's because it is. Changing our mind is easy, we do it many times a day. Get up when the alarm goes off...no snooze a bit longer. Wear the brown shoes...nope, going to wear the black ones instead.
Changing your thoughts is just that simple. If a thought pops up that makes you feel dark, sad, angry, tense or frightened, reject it. Get that negative sucker right out of your mind. Think of anything else positive. Doesn't matter what. A baby laughing. A kitten playing with a ball of string. The way sunshine feels on your skin.
By the time you have replaced that negative thought with anything positive, your busy mind will have moved right along to whatever comes next. It only takes seconds...and a bit of mindfulness. Affirmations also help replace those negative thoughts with positives ones.
Ten Steps For Replacing Negative Thoughts With Positive Thoughts
- Do away with your all or nothing way of thinking.
- Stop the practice of generalization.
- Learn to stop and think about whether you would rather be right or happy.
- Learn and work at changing your mental filter so that negative thoughts are not allowed to thrive.
- Do way with that ever so easy practice of jumping to conclusions.
- Don't criticize your actions with the "I should have" way of thinking.
- Emotional reasoning is fine, but be aware of letting it overtake your thoughts completely.
- Try to not take things personally. The majoritiy of the time they were not meant to be taken that way.
- Take the time to stand back and evaluate a situation to truly understand it.
- Remember to give thanks to "whomever" is your Higher Power when positive things and blessings flow your way.
10 Ways To Defend Yourself Against Negativity
- Don’t take other people’s negativity personally. Most negative people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with. What they say and do is a projection of their own reality – their own attitude. Even when a situation seems personal – even if someone insults you directly – it oftentimes has nothing to do with you. Remember, what others say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection.
- Spend more time with positive people. You are the average of the people you spend the most time with. In other words, who you spend your time with has a great impact on the person you eventually become. If you are around cynical and negative people all the time, you will become cynical and negative. Does who you are and who you want to be reflect in the company you keep? Start spending time with nice people who are smart, driven and like minded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you, people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.
- Be the positivist you want to see in the world. Lead by example. You can’t always save the world, but you can make the world a better place by practicing what you preach – by becoming self-aware, tapping into your compassion, and protecting your positive space. Doing simple things like talking about positive daily events, common friends, hobbies, happy news, make for light conversations with negative people. Keep the conversations focused on optimistic areas the person can relate to. You can disarm their negativity, even if it’s just for a little while.
- Change the way you think. The one thing nobody can take away from you is the way you choose to respond to what others say and do. The problem isn't the events that are negative. The problem is the way you react to those events. The last of your freedoms is to choose your attitude in any given circumstance. Complaining, blaming and criticizing aren't going to change the situation. It is not always easy to find happiness in ourselves, but it is always impossible to find it elsewhere. Regardless of the situation you face, your attitude is your choice. Remember, you can’t have a positive life with a negative attitude. When negativity controls your thoughts, it limits your behavior, actions, and opportunities. If you realized how powerful your thoughts were, you would never think another negative thought again.
- Focus on solutions. Negative people have an endless supply of pity party invitations. Don’t RSVP. Oftentimes people use negativity as a barrier to protect themselves from the world, which in turn blocks them from solutions that could improve their life. Instead, identify solutions. Don’t dwell too much on what went wrong. Instead, focus on the next positive step. Spend your energy on moving forward toward a positive resolution. Remember, when you focus on solutions, by thinking and acting positively, sound becomes music, movement becomes dance, a smile becomes laughter, and life becomes a celebration.
- Love whoever is around to be loved. Practice acts of kindness. It’s a lot harder to be negative when you’re in the presence of love and kindness. Be that presence whenever possible. Let your guard down. Talk to someone you don’t know straight from your heart. Compliment them. Don’t anticipate awkwardness. Just be you in that beautiful way only you know, and give them the chance to smile and connect with you. Sometimes a kind word and some attention from a friend is all that’s needed to turn a negative attitude around.
- Provide support when it makes sense. Some people complain as a way of crying for help. They may not be conscious of it though, so their comments come across as negative complaints rather than requests. Show some concern. Just a simple “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I can do to help you?” can do wonders. Resist the urge to judge or assume. It’s hard to offer compassion when you assume you have them figured out. Let them know they are not alone. People overcome the forces of negative emotions, like anger and hatred, when the counter-forces of love and support are in full effect.
- Realize that life is a series of ups and downs. Acknowledge the negativity, accept it, and let it pass through your consciousness, thereby teaching you a lesson but not ruining your day. Life is full of highs and lows, but you don’t have to go up and down with them. We develop from the negatives when we accept them and learn from them. This cycle is all part of the human experience. Relax, let go a little, and enjoy the ride.
- Concentrate on today. Too often, we carry around things from our past that hurt us – regrets, shame, anger, pain, etc. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Don’t let these negative points from the past rob your present happiness. You had to live though these things in the past, and although unfortunate, they can’t be changed. But if the only place they live today is in your mind, then let go, move on, and be happy. You can decide right now that negative experiences from your past will not predict your future.
- Let go and move on when you must. If all else fails, remove yourself from the wrong situations and relationships. Some people are like dark clouds; when they disappear, it’s a brighter day. Know when it’s time to let go. Letting go of negative people doesn't mean you hate them, it just means that you care about your own well being. Every time you subtract negative from your life, you make room for more positive.
